


Bucky Barnes' Guide to Parenting

by FerrousAnnoyance (this_is_pandamonium)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst and Humor, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Swears, Bucky is a SHIELD agent, Bucky is not amused, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Feels, Steve is a baby, With a metal arm, only because he's a baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_pandamonium/pseuds/FerrousAnnoyance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Bucky had been hoping -secretly- from the beginning that there'd be a moment when he catches Captain America to a background of explosions and walks away with the man's adoring eyes batting, but this? This is definitely not what he'd pictured.</em><br/> <br/>  <em>For one, Captain America is supposed to be twenty plus years older, not-what, a year old? And instead of having a blue gaze staring in awe at him, he has a drooling baby trying to punch him in the face for no damn reason.</em></p><p>  <em>"Hey! It worked!" Right, he nearly forgot about the Hydra base still intact behind them. He doesn't even get the explosion, does he? "Bring them back alive!"</em></p><p>  <em>"I am getting a raise," Bucky mutters, before he has to dodge another fist aimed at his jaw, and then he's tucking the squirming blonde ball of young fury to his chest so he can sprint away from the operatives now taking off after the duo.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky Barnes' Guide to Parenting

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbetaed, so I'm sorry for any mistakes that you find.  
> Comments and kudos are awesome :)

Of course Bucky enthusiastically volunteers himself for the mission when it's mentioned that a certain star-spangled man is going to be on it. Who wouldn't? That man is temptation itself; not even a deaf, blind, and dead person would be unable to recognize that.

Of course this comes back to bite him in the ass.

* * *

_It's a simple op, they said. You'll be back in a day, they said. Captain America just needs someone to cover his back._ Bucky rolls his eyes, gritting his teeth as a chunk of the tree he's hidden behind is blown away by gunfire.

"Captain? Captain, do you copy?" No luck, but he's been trying for about ten minutes so it isn't surprising. What nobody ever seems to mention in their mission reports is that Captain America is incredibly fond of running his fool ass off to fight enemies alone.

"Barnes?" There's a crackle over his comm, and he fires off a few shots to deal with a pair of enemies that were heading over to him.

"Captain? What took you so long, huh?" There's panting on the other side of the line, and he does his best not to think of it in a different context (too late).

"Sorry, they knocked out my comm and I didn't have time to put it back in."

"Knocked- you realize those are practically attached to your ear, right?" Fucking hell.

"They must be hitting harder now," is the simple reply, a grunt following the statement, as though he's moving something particularly heavy. For Captain America, Mr. "I can lift a motorcycle with x amount of women on it above my head," that means it really is heavy, and Bucky isn't sure he wants to know what it is that man is having trouble moving. Chances are, it's dangerous.

"What are you doing? Our job is to plant charges and get out of here!" Not that Bucky is a stickler for the rules, because they can make things unnecessarily complicated and flat out agitating, but in other instances, they help prevent incidents. Or at least, prevent further incidents.

"I found some kind of lab. I need to make sure they don't have anyone captured down here."

"That wasn't in the information they gave us!" The person in charge of research for this op needs to be fired; how did they miss a  _laboratory?_ It's Hydra, of course they have a damned lab. Bucky should have expected it but he'd thought previously that maybe, for once, Hydra hadn't installed a super evil lair of science fuckery. "I'm having a talk with SHIELD after this." 

"You and me both." There's a lapse in the firing, so he takes the opportunity to dive out from behind cover and sprint for the bunker Captain America had entered. Of course it isn't an ordinary bunker, the insides looking like something out of a science fiction movie, and there's a spiraling staircase descending at the rear, which he is quick to scale down. He isn't too worried about there being any agents below, because one, there were already a few slumped over up top and two, this is Captain America. He's reckless as hell but he's also incredibly thorough.

"Where are you? I'm in the sub-level of the bunker." No response. "Cap? Somebody give you a good whack again?" Instinctively he's lowering his voice, lifting the rifle up cautiously while he slowly walks down the long hallway marked with several doors, all closed. There are labels on each one, things like "Bio-Research" and "Chemical Lab", and they all sound even nastier than the one before it.

There's actually a door cracked open, its title being "Genetics Department". He's careful in pushing it open further, using the tip of his foot to do so while he has his finger on the periphery of the trigger. Bucky has seen first-hand what happens when someone has their finger hovering on the trigger and ends up startled; they'd shot a teammate, and he's fairly sure shooting Captain America -accidentally or otherwise- would be considered treason.

"Cap?" There isn't anyone in the room, its many computers without a person to handle them and microscopes settled beside each one. There is the addition of a massive vertical tank filled with green liquid at the other side of the room, and the customary dead person -clone? Who the fuck knows- is floating in a partial fetal position.

There's still no sign of Captain America.

There's a soft scrape of something behind him, like the shuffle of a shoe across the floor, and he whirls, the barrel of his rifle pointing right at the man himself. "You could have said you were there instead of sneaking up on me," Bucky huffs, lowering the rifle and shooting the blue clad blonde a glare.

"Sorry." He doesn't look like he is.

"So where-" Bucky begins to ask, except he's interrupted by the shaking of the whole compound, nearly losing his balance but he catches himself on the edge of a desk. Captain America, who doesn't seem to have been bothered at all by the quaking, has a hand shifted outward, hanging awkwardly in the air. He must have gone to help Bucky's balance. "Yeah, I'm not a damsel in distress, try not to look so shocked about i-" This time the walls shudder, and he's careening into Captain America's incredibly broad and solid chest. 

When the tremors stop, he pulls himself away, giving the man a sour look before exiting into the hallway. "We need to get the hell out of here." The two of them can barely fit side by side in the narrow corridor, but they somehow manage to make it to the end, though they have to change position when the stairwell situation arrives. "You go first."

"But what if there's another hit and you fall down the stairs?" 

"There's a rail. I'll hold on to it. Now go, I've got your back." Cap (as he's taken to calling him because Captain America is too long) doesn't look convinced but he does begin the flight, and Bucky follows, making sure he has a fairly stable grip. It's a good thing, too, as halfway up the shocks have the whole set of stairs trembling heavily, nearly having Bucky go tumbling down like Jack and Jill, just with less rhyming.

(He likes to think he's funny.)

The moment they get to the first floor, Bucky sends a bullet into the Hydra soldier lurking at the doorway, unseen by Cap given he has -had- an opponent of his own, who's crumpled over in the corner now. "You ready to go out there? I have to set the charges but-"

Another Hydra agent storms through the door, followed by two more, and one of them has a giant...ray gun? Bucky manages to shoot one, unfortunately not the guy holding the gun, but before he can take out the others Cap sends his shield flying, arcing in a way Bucky doesn't think applies to physics. The guy with the big weapon ducks, however, and he fires off some kind of beam, right into Cap's torso.

It doesn't last long because Bucky fires a round into his face.

Meanwhile, Cap is on the ground, grasping at his chest with a pain expression on his alarmingly pale features. There isn't a wound; there's not even a scorch mark on his suit, and for the life of him Bucky doesn't know what's going on. "My-my bones-ah!" His bones? What the hell did they shoot him with?

That doesn't matter, they need to leave, except Bucky knows he can't set the charges, not with the way Cap is convulsing. "They should have sent more back-up, damn it," he grumbles, hefting Cap up to his feet, and man is he heavy. He discards his rifle -stupid, but Cap's shield is heavy as fuck too- and slings the circular disc on his metal arm. 

"Hold on for me, Cap," Bucky says, hauling the blonde over to the door. It looks as though they need reinforcements, because there's only a few of them left while a group from the main building is now running over.

Is it just him, or is Cap getting lighter? And smaller? He glances over, then stares, jaw dropping. Cap looks like he's twelve years old and five seconds from keeling over, so Bucky scoops him up without a second thought; he's light enough that Bucky can manoeuvre him so he doesn't have to drop the shield.

He starts heading for the trees, hoping to gain some cover and distance from the Hydra idiots just now deciding to fire on them, apparently having abandoned their bombing of the bunker now that they've left. Bucky tries not to notice that this bundle in his arms is too small for a twelve year old, meaning whatever they shot Cap with has de-aged him at an alarming rate.

Bucky had been hoping -secretly- from the beginning that there'd be a moment when he catches Captain America to a background of explosions and walks away with the man's adoring eyes batting, but this? This is definitely not what he'd pictured.

For one, Captain America is supposed to be twenty plus years older, not-what, a year old? And instead of having a blue gaze staring in awe at him, he has a drooling baby trying to punch him in the face for no damn reason. That gun definitely works fast.

"Hey! It worked!" Right, he nearly forgot about the Hydra base still intact behind them, along with the soldiers who have finally caught up. He doesn't even get the explosion, does he? Of course not, he didn't set the fucking charges. "Bring them back alive!"

"I am getting a raise," Bucky mutters, before he has to dodge another fist aimed at his jaw, and then he's tucking the squirming blonde ball of young fury to his chest so he can sprint away from the operatives now taking off after the duo.

* * *

Bucky manages to throw them off at the river, making a show of crossing it via the large stones protruding from the water -which baby Cap does not like at all, from the way he bites Bucky's finger- and then crossing back further down. They'll be kept busy by that for a little while, enough for Bucky to connect with SHIELD. 

He raises a hand, cradling the still moving Cap in the other arm, to his ear for the comm there, needing to adjust it, and then he realizes it's gone.

What the fuck. That thing was attached to his ear; it should  _not_ have fallen out like those crappy earbuds. This does not bode well, though maybe SHIELD will realize that it's gone south when they don't check in.

"Beh," baby Cap declares, glaring up at Bucky from where he's nestled into the entirely too large suit. At least he's warm, or Bucky hopes so anyways; he doesn't appear to be glaring for any reason other than Bucky's existence.

"Yeah, I know this fucking sucks, okay? I don't know babies. You hungry? Oh damn, diapers. You need diapers. How the hell am I going to get you diapers?" It wasn't like there was a protocol for when people turned into babies- maybe after this, but in the supplies they were always given, never have a pair of diapers and a baby bottle been included. He can eat solid food though, right? As long as it's in small pieces?

Baby Cap doesn't seem too happy with his language, going so far as to give him another slap across the jaw. It doesn't hurt, but it's starting to get old. "Gee, I thought you were supposed to be a saint, Cap. Now I know you're only in this gig because you like punching people." The baby aims another small hand at his face, but Bucky dodges, snickering. "Ha, I'm onto you now, you little ba-" Baby fingers, in his mouth. In his  _mouth._

"Fuck!" Baby Cap giggles, clapping his hands together -one of which is wet from Bucky's saliva, fucking disgusting- and generally looking far too adorable for someone who is being a gigantic pain in the ass and is likely a spawn of Satan. Why couldn't Romanov or Barton have come along?

Still lamenting his poor life choices, Bucky trudges along, attempting to keep the both of them silent considering the threat of Hydra remains very real. He manages this for ten minutes until the baby's jaw drops and a wail is emitted.

"Sh! Sh, be quiet," Bucky whispers, patting the baby awkwardly, but that only makes him cry louder, fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He is at a loss for what to do, or what he needs to fix. Is he hungry? Maybe he is. Fumbling in one of his pockets for a protein bar, he manages to open the package and break off a tiny piece. It's difficult to do with only one hand, but he is able to feed half of the bar to Cap without any issues.

He's finally done sobbing, so Bucky begins the walk again, occasionally glancing around their surroundings for any soldiers that might have heard Cap's crying.

The silence lasts for another ten minutes, and then he's damn near shrieking his head off. Again.

"Oh, come on!" Here lies James Buchanan Barnes, loving brother, dedicated agent. Lost his life to Hydra soldiers after valiantly protecting a baby version of Captain America. May he rest in peace.


End file.
